When I was pregnant, anyone I asked, and many people that I didn't ask, told me that having a child is both the best thing and the hardest thing that they have ever done. And that is exactly right! That is exactly how I would describe it. It strikes me that pretty much everyone describes it this way. It doesn't really tell you much though, and it leaves a parent-to-be looking for guidance, or a brand new parent looking for reassurance, a bit adrift. The description "it is the best and the hardest thing" seems like a nearly universally accurate way to describe having a child, but the particulars of why that is true, of how it is experienced, are very different for everyone. The particular way it is hard is different depending on who you are, and the particular way it is the best is probably different too. So I think we should try to expand on how it is the best and the hardest, even though it is hard to put into words.
I've been on the other side of the question "what's it like?" for almost 9 months now. Almost as long as I was pregnant. And it is a really hard question to answer. On one hand: it is the most amazing thing I have ever done. I made a PERSON. I have kept a 100% vulnerable and needy being alive WITH JUST MY BODY. And that little person is pretty damn awesome. The smile I get when I walk in her room in the morning is...I can't finish that sentence, I'm copping out because there are no words for how wonderful it is. She amazes me every day with what she can do and how quickly she learns. She has her own personality already, and her own preferences (books! Thank goodness!) When she is upset, she calls ME. I'm the one that she wants. I'm her whole world. I have realized that I am capable of much, much more than I thought I was.
On the other hand: it is so incredibly hard. I haven't slept a full night in over a year. I really underestimated how much I value my independence, and I am sometimes resentful that I can't do something or go somewhere because of caring for a baby. I also knew I was an introvert, but underestimated how much that would affect my mothering. My daughter is a full person, and interacting with her drains my energy just as much, if not more, as interacting with anyone else. When she is upset, she calls me. I'm the one that she wants. I'm her whole world. I never realized how lonely that would make me feel sometimes.
I also feel useless. To be honest, I felt this way before becoming a mother. I've had trouble finding my place in the world once I finished school, the last thing I felt truly good at. In the back of my mind, even though I would never have admitted it, I always assumed that becoming a mother would tick that box. This is what I was meant to do. Check. Done. But that isn't what the day to day job of being a mother feels like. It feels like surviving day to day. It feels like doing menial jobs that you will just have to do over again in the next few hours. It means spending an hour getting a baby down for a nap that only lasts 20 minutes and then crying that you didn't even get a chance to finish your coffee let alone have a coherent thought or write a readable sentence or post to your long neglected blog that you envisioned thriving once you got to be on maternity leave. Nevermind finally starting that novel.
It isn't easy to describe, but I would love to hear more particulars of other parents' experiences. I know I really only have one reader (what up Annemarie!), but if you stumble on this, leave a comment about what, particularly for you, for your personality, with your child's personality, in your current situation, is the best and the hardest.
I've been on the other side of the question "what's it like?" for almost 9 months now. Almost as long as I was pregnant. And it is a really hard question to answer. On one hand: it is the most amazing thing I have ever done. I made a PERSON. I have kept a 100% vulnerable and needy being alive WITH JUST MY BODY. And that little person is pretty damn awesome. The smile I get when I walk in her room in the morning is...I can't finish that sentence, I'm copping out because there are no words for how wonderful it is. She amazes me every day with what she can do and how quickly she learns. She has her own personality already, and her own preferences (books! Thank goodness!) When she is upset, she calls ME. I'm the one that she wants. I'm her whole world. I have realized that I am capable of much, much more than I thought I was.
On the other hand: it is so incredibly hard. I haven't slept a full night in over a year. I really underestimated how much I value my independence, and I am sometimes resentful that I can't do something or go somewhere because of caring for a baby. I also knew I was an introvert, but underestimated how much that would affect my mothering. My daughter is a full person, and interacting with her drains my energy just as much, if not more, as interacting with anyone else. When she is upset, she calls me. I'm the one that she wants. I'm her whole world. I never realized how lonely that would make me feel sometimes.
I also feel useless. To be honest, I felt this way before becoming a mother. I've had trouble finding my place in the world once I finished school, the last thing I felt truly good at. In the back of my mind, even though I would never have admitted it, I always assumed that becoming a mother would tick that box. This is what I was meant to do. Check. Done. But that isn't what the day to day job of being a mother feels like. It feels like surviving day to day. It feels like doing menial jobs that you will just have to do over again in the next few hours. It means spending an hour getting a baby down for a nap that only lasts 20 minutes and then crying that you didn't even get a chance to finish your coffee let alone have a coherent thought or write a readable sentence or post to your long neglected blog that you envisioned thriving once you got to be on maternity leave. Nevermind finally starting that novel.
It isn't easy to describe, but I would love to hear more particulars of other parents' experiences. I know I really only have one reader (what up Annemarie!), but if you stumble on this, leave a comment about what, particularly for you, for your personality, with your child's personality, in your current situation, is the best and the hardest.
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